Scrolling isn't always bad
Maybe we don't need to be demonizing our coping techniques
Journalling doesn’t make you a better person. Meditating doesn’t mean you’re healing at the deepest level. Yoga isn’t the magic pill for anxiety. Therapy doesn’t automatically make you wise.
You don’t need to do any of these things to feel better.
But it’s easy to believe that you should. I see it all the time. We’re constantly being told how to optimize, how to heal faster, how to regulate our nervous systems. And whether we realize it or not, we start assigning value to certain practices over others. Like some tools make you more evolved, or more “serious” about healing.
Someone recently asked me, “You always seem so grounded, is that true?” I laughed, but I also said yes, for the most part I do feel grounded. Or at least that I know how to return to that state when I get thrown off. But probably not in the ways you’d expect.
What I have found helpful is being mindful in the everyday, ordinary moments. One of my favourite tools was inspired by a story I read years ago in Chicken Soup for the Soul. I was obsessed with those books (remember them?!). In this one story, a kid reflected on how their mom showed love. And it wasn’t with grand gestures. It was with the tiny act of scooping soggy food out of the sink drain after dinner. That image stuck with me, probably because it’s so ICK.
Now, I don’t do that many dishes (my partner handles most of them), but I do make a point to clean out the food bits from the sink. It’s gross AND it’s also become a moment where I pause and become hyper aware of sensations. It brings me very quickly into the now. And really that is all that is needed, something to bring me back into the present moment. It’s weirdly become a small, steady ritual. One that reminds me I’m here. That I’m okay. And that I really wish I had a garburator.
It’s not a sexy tool. It’s not trending on TikTok. But it helps.
A friend of mine, Mel, once told me about “duvet days.” Days where you stay in bed a bit longer and make it feel luxurious. No guilt, no productivity panic. Just full permission to rest. That idea changed something in me.
The same way I’ve stopped making phone scrolling at the end of the day “bad.” Does it sometimes get in the way of connection or sleep? Sure. But if I’m doing it to decompress, to give my brain a break, and I do it with intention, not guilt, it becomes something else. It’s softer. More human.
Here’s the thing. You don’t need cold plunges, morning pages, or facial massage rituals to heal. Those things can be great, but they’re not required.
In fact, one study published in the Journal of Counseling and Development explored how our emotional responses, specifically guilt and shame, impact the way we cope. It found that when we sit in shame, we’re more likely to shut down or avoid things altogether. But when we move toward acceptance, and act from a place of intention, we’re more able to shift out of that stuck place. So, the more guilt we pile on about how we “should” be healing, the harder it actually becomes to access the healing we want.
You don’t need to do it a certain way. You just need to find your way. Sometimes, that looks like cleaning out the sink or laughing at TikToks at the end of the day.
You’re not doing it wrong.
With love,
Ashley
Want to find your way?
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