Working With Your Inner Child

A meditation for your younger self

I often feel that we’re all small children trapped inside adult bodies. When someone has a big reaction, it reminds me that it’s their childlike part coming to the surface, not their adult self.

The image below of Alexander Milov's "Love" sculpture from Burning Man 2015 really conceptualizes this idea. We all have an inner child.

Image by Alec Kondush

You may have overheard friends talking about their therapy experiences or heard it from your own therapist: working with your inner child can be incredibly powerful. But what does that really mean?

Inner child work is a therapeutic approach that focuses on healing and nurturing the childlike aspects of your personality that may have been overlooked or wounded during childhood.

These inner child wounds can take many forms, including neglect, abandonment, criticism, lack of validation, pressure to succeed, loneliness, isolation, feelings of unlovability, exposure to traumatic events, having a parent with addiction or mental illness, or being overly sheltered by a parent.

Many of our limiting beliefs may stem from experiences that we had as children. Often our adult like reactions, are rooted in childhood wounds.

For example you might experience the following, based on a childhood wound.

*please note these are not absolute truths, as each person has their own unique lived experience*

1. Avoidance of Intimacy
   Childhood Wound: Abandonment or neglect.
   Adult Reaction: Difficulty forming close relationships or pushing partners away out of fear of being abandoned again.
   Limiting Belief: "I am unworthy of love."

2. Perfectionism
   Childhood Wound: Criticism or pressure to succeed.
   Adult Reaction: Setting unrealistically high standards for oneself, leading to chronic stress and fear of failure.
   Limiting Belief: "I am not good enough unless I am perfect."

3. People-Pleasing
   Childhood Wound: Lack of validation or constant criticism (for me, it stemmed from dance culture and relentless scrutiny).
   Adult Reaction: Going out of your way to please others to gain approval, often at the expense of your own needs and desires.
   Limiting Belief: "I am only valuable when others are happy with me."

4. Emotional Numbness
   Childhood Wound: Trauma or loss.
   Adult Reaction: Difficulty expressing emotions, leading to feelings of disconnection or detachment from oneself and others.
   Limiting Belief: "I am weak if I show my emotions."

5. Overreactions to Criticism
   Childhood Wound: Constant criticism or unrealistic expectations.
   Adult Reaction: Taking feedback very personally and reacting defensively or with anger when faced with constructive criticism.
   Limiting Belief: "I am a failure if I make mistakes."

6. Fear of Failure
   Childhood Wound: Pressure to succeed or overprotection.
   Adult Reaction: Avoiding new challenges or opportunities due to a paralyzing fear of not measuring up.
   Limiting Belief: "I am a failure if I don’t succeed at everything."

7. Self-Sabotage
   Childhood Wound: Feelings of unworthiness or inadequacy.
   Adult Reaction: Engaging in behaviors that undermine your own success or happiness, such as procrastination or choosing unhealthy relationships.
   Limiting Belief: "I am not deserving of success."

8. Trust Issues
   Childhood Wound: Parental addiction or instability.
   Adult Reaction: Difficulty trusting others, leading to skepticism in relationships and fear of being vulnerable.
   Limiting Belief: "I am not safe to trust others."

9. Aggression or Withdrawal
   Childhood Wound: Abuse or bullying.
   Adult Reaction: Responding to perceived threats with aggression or, conversely, withdrawing from social interactions to protect oneself.
   Limiting Belief: "I am in danger if I open up."

10. Chronic Anxiety
    Childhood Wound: Constant instability or trauma.
    Adult Reaction: Experiencing heightened levels of anxiety or worry, often overreacting to everyday stressors due to a learned fear of unpredictability.
    Limiting Belief: "I am not in control of my life."

So How Can You Work With Your Inner Child?

One of my favourite tools for Inner Child work, is working with your child-self and adult-self using the Two-Handed Interweave Method developed by Robin Shapiro.

Little Ash

Hold out your non-dominant hand, visualizing your child-self. Then hold out your dominant hand, bringing forward your adult-self - logical, grounded safe. Imagine your adult-self, giving your child-self what it needed. It can be words of encouragement, or you can visualize your adult-self carrying out the action that your child-self needed — a hug, safety, protection, validation. Go back and forth, having a dialogue between your child-self and adult-self. Once you feel you have addressed what you’ve wanted, bring your hands together, and then place them both at your heart centre.

I have recorded a meditation for paid subscribers, inspired by the Two-Handed Interweave Method below.